It’s a tragic truth. Research from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveals farmers are twice as likely as people in other occupations to die by suicide. As part of May’s mental health awareness month, you’ll hear from author Jessica Peters as she discusses key factors that impact the mental health of farmers. Learn what you should watch for.
It’s a tragic truth. Research from the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reveals farmers are twice as likely as people in other occupations to die by suicide. As part of May’s mental health awareness month, you’ll hear from author Jessica Peters as she discusses key factors that impact the mental health of farmers. Learn what you should watch for.
Hello and welcome to the Topcon Talks Agriculture Podcast. On each episode, we discuss and share topics that are important to farmers, growers, and agribusiness. My name is Dan Hendricks, and I am your host for today. I serve as the Senior Business Development Manager for Topcon Agriculture. And I get to work with an amazing team of talented individuals who love agriculture. They enjoy technology, and they strive to help farmers and growers find solutions. Some of you may know that the month of May is mental health awareness month. So we wanted to take an episode today and focus on how mental health is important and relevant to growers, farmers, and those in the dairy industry. We want to encourage openness and transparency to this very important topic because we want people to reach out and get help if they are struggling. We all know that farmers are high risk . Farming is hard work, farming is stressful. Farming can also be lonely. So we want to have an honest conversation today about the impact that farming can have on mental health. It's an important topic that is often ignored and not openly discussed. I'm excited to welcome Jessica Peters to the Topcon podcast. Jessica grew up in Pennsylvania on her parents' dairy farm with her two brothers and lots of Jersey milk cows. She grew up active in four H and is a farm advocate and author. Jessica is a graduate of Penn State University and now runs Spruce Row Farm in Meadville, Pennsylvania. She deeply loves the animals on her dairy and the ones that are under her care. And Jessica is going to shed some light on the work she has done regarding mental health with dairy workers. Jessica, thanks so much for joining us on today's episode.
Speaker 2:Thanks for having me. I think , um, I I always feel pretty honored to get to talk about this topic cuz it's such an important topic to talk about.
Speaker 1:Yes, it definitely is. And , uh, we are glad that you're here and glad that we can spend some time kind of sharing and , um, being enlightened by the things that you, you are gonna share with us. So let's start off by having you tell me a little bit about your farm background.
Speaker 2:Okay, yep . I , um, now live and work on the farm that I grew up on. I am lucky enough to be able to do that with , um, I actually own the farm with my parents and my younger brother. I also have an older brother who actually lives in Florida and works for nasa.
Speaker 1:Oh , wow.
Speaker 2:Okay . Which I think is a whole, that's like a whole nother podcast topic. <laugh>. Um, generally, I, we always joke that we don't mention him because once people find out I have a brother who works for nasa, they're kind of like, oh, you're a farmer and he works for nasa. How did that work out? Right,
Speaker 1:Right. Yeah. I I would think there would also be some like rocket science jokes that you throw in there every now and then, but <laugh> , you
Speaker 2:Didn't need to bring that up. It's like, it's like the heel of our family, like Right. You know, oh, you're not a rocket scientist. And then inevitably my brother's always like, well, I kind of am. We're like, nah ,
Speaker 1:<laugh> . Right. Yeah.
Speaker 2:That's funny. I didn't need that.
Speaker 1:Uh , yeah.
Speaker 2:Um, but yeah, I , I grew up here and we're, we milk around 250 jersey cows, which , um, for those of you who don't know , dairy Jersey is the second most popular cow, but they're also only like 8% of all of the cows in the country. So we're a very distant second to the big black and white Holsteins. Um, but I do love them. Um, we also do all of our own crop work. We're planting , uh, planting corn right now. Uh, we do, we get a little help with harvesting, but we grow all of our own crops, so we tend to stay pretty busy here in Pennsylvania
Speaker 1:<laugh> . I bet. And as you were telling us , uh, earlier, before we started recording, since it is planting season, I'm sure things are very, very busy around there right now.
Speaker 2:Very, very busy. We've had a good , um, good start though. It's not warm, but it's been dry, which is pretty rare for us, so,
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well, good. Well good. Hopefully
Speaker 2:We'll get it in quickly.
Speaker 1:So you are a contributing author to Hordes , dairyman and other publications. Tell me what inspired you to begin writing as a farm advocate?
Speaker 2:Honestly , um, after college I actually spent two years milking cows in New Zealand. Hmm . Uh , solely, solely for the reason I wasn't ready to come home yet. I knew I was coming home to the farm. Right. But in the nicest possible way, if you know dairy farming, you know that when you come home to it, you are stuck here. There are entire weeks where I don't leave the farm. Um, and uh, so I wanted to leave the farm for a bit before I came back here. And with my dairy science club, my senior year of college, we actually took a trip to New Zealand and I kind of connected with someone there and went back and worked for a few years. When I came home from New Zealand, actually, I still felt I have, there are dreamers and doers in the world and most farmers are doers. We wanna do things with our hands. And I'm not saying I'm not a doer, but I'm very much a dreamer and I know it. I have quite the imagination and I was happy being home with the farm and working with the cows and my family, but I was missing something. And I think that's around the time that advocates, specifically dairy advocates were becoming bigger on Facebook. And I decided to start a Facebook page and, you know, I just wrote what I felt and what we were doing. And honestly, at some point I didn't wanna become a writer more than that. And actually at some point I was contacted by hordes and they just, I suppose, liked the way I presented things and asked me if I wanted to write , um, biweekly for their online blog, which is what I do.
Speaker 1:Yeah. So, so it kind of took you by surprise. I mean, you were kind of writing what it may sound like maybe therapeutic for you, and then all of a sudden you were, you just kind of surprised with how well it took off.
Speaker 2:I was very surprised. And I didn't realize how much I enjoyed writing until they asked me to write for them, you know, and they give me free reign , they tell me to write whatever topic I wanna write. And , um, it's just been, it's been a lot of fun. And like you said, it's been really therapeutic for me, you know, as a place to get my thoughts and opinions and ideas out and to get feedback from other people as well.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well that's awesome that you have like a another outlet, you know, to kind of compliment the, the busyness of everything that goes on around the dairy.
Speaker 2:Oh , I was gonna say with the topic of today's , um, podcast with mental health, that's helped my mental health a lot. Having that outlet to be able to talk about things.
Speaker 1:Well that's good. That's really cool. So yeah, let's, let's dive into the mental health on the farm. Recent data from the US Centers of Disease Control and Prevention indicated that farmers are twice as likely as people in other occupations to die by suicide. What, in your opinion, are some of the unique stressors that farmers are facing that contribute to their specific experiences with mental health?
Speaker 2:Um, they're , they're, I honestly, they're pretty obvious. And yet also they're kind of not <laugh> , you know, we deal with everything the average American does. You know, I mean, we are not, I think farming has given this image of wholesome people sitting around the dinner table every night eating your dinner. And , uh, very traditional. And I'm not saying we aren't any of those things, but we also deal with the same big things other people do. You know, we deal with cancer in our family or drug addictions or , um, you know, personal relationship issues. Working with your family is not easy. And a lot of farming families are working together day in day. I mean, it's not just working together, it's basically living together. And that's not easy to do. Um, you know, but then on top of that, you have to throw in work completely at the mercy of the weather. Right. And , um, dairy, dairy farming specifically as far as milk prices and markets, we have no control over the price of our product. You know, we have one of the most perishable products on the market. We can't hold milk, you know, like, like grain farmers can hold grain until the market, the price comes up a bit. We can't do that if they don't come pick up my milk today. I can't milk my cows tonight.
Speaker 1:Right. So you have this constant process of the milk being produced that you have to attend to, the cows are producing the milk, and yet you have a very short shelf life. And then you have all these other things that are out of your control, like you said, like weather and prices and, and
Speaker 2:You just, you just feel like you don't have as much of a say as you should, you know, for an industry that feeds the world. And I, I really, I hate saying that cuz that's not what consumers wanna hear. It makes us, makes me feel like I'm trying to show my superiority in some way. I see . But it's true. Farmers do feed people. Right?
Speaker 1:Yeah. There , there's definitely truth to that.
Speaker 2:Right. And for an industry that does that , um, to not have much control over how we do it is, is really , uh, can be really debilitating to be honest.
Speaker 1:And and are there certain times of the year or certain periods of the year that are, that increase the stress on a dairy and charge and , and , and cause like more mental health challenges?
Speaker 2:I'm laughing a little bit because I mean, obviously planting and harvest are always stressful cuz you're trying to plant and then harvest all the feed your cows are gonna eat for the next year in two weeks to a month. And that's a very stressful time. Um, but I'm laughing a little bit because we always say things like, you know, in the middle of summer when you're, you know, every three weeks we're making hay and there's really not much of a break. And you think, oh, I have to do this product and project in my calf barn and I'll get to it in the winter when things slow down, <laugh> , it's not a dairy farm especially things never slow down.
Speaker 1:You don't slow down, you know , it just keeps coming.
Speaker 2:Cav year , you cav year round , so roughly every day we have a new calf. Some days you have six new calves, you know, or you'll go a week without one and you're , you have to milk the cows twice a day. You have to feed everything twice a day. You have to clean everything twice a day. You know, it's, it's , it can be very monotonous and yet you do something different every day . Dairy farming feels like the biggest oxymoron in the world. <laugh>
Speaker 1:<laugh> .
Speaker 2:But it's true. It's also true.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Now , do you find that these stressors with dairy farming affect men and women farmers differently? Or does it, does it hit all genders the same?
Speaker 2:Oh yeah. I think farming in general, let me say the stress of farming I think hits everybody the same. But I, I will admit that there are some issues within the industry that probably hit women a little harder. Uh, you know, I , there are in , in all aspects of the agricultural industry, there are more women managing and owning and being farmers. Uh, but the discrimination of that is still there. You know, I'm, I'm pretty active on social media and talking about what we do and sharing our farm. And I, I , I do some tractor work, but that's not my full-time job. Cows are my job and it, it blows my mind. Some of my friends who their job is the tractor work on their farms that get the comments. Like literally, I just read one the other day that literally said, sweetheart, you should be in the kitchen delivering lunch to the farmers , not on the tractor driving it . You know? And even, even, even if that didn't personally bother her, just the fact that there are still people out there saying that. Right. Um, yeah, it's just, it's ridiculous. Sorry. I was gonna say, there are factors that I think affect women more so and differently, but the farming stress in general is just stress for everybody. You know, you talked about earlier how hard farming is, well, another word I'd use I think is isolating. Hmm . You know, being, being such a small part of the population, the, the rest of it, and a lot of my friends , um, that still live around here don't understand farming. Right . And it's, it's a hard thing to understand if you're not in it. Right. Um , it's a hard thing to relate to. If you're not very close to it, it's almost impossible to relate to mm-hmm. <affirmative> , um, you know, actually this is kind of a silly story, but in high school so many times, so many times and right after high school I had to cancel plans with people because, I dunno , a cow couch or the skid litter broke down and we didn't get chores done or just something crazy would happen. And then you get to the point where people just stop inviting you to things. Yeah . And it feels awful. Like, you know, they want you to come, but you cancel. I understand it, it sucks when I say, oh no, I can't make the movie. Right. This cow just caved and a milker called off and I'm gonna be here till midnight. Sure. It's life or death. That sounds super dramatic and I know how that sounds. But we are dealing with living, breathing things and sometimes, sometimes for a week straight, every day there's a life or death situation and I can't help that. Um, and it wasn't until my friends started having kids that I started kind of equating my situation and years past situations to that, that they realized like they just wanna stay home and hang out with their kids. Well, sometimes I just wanted to stay home and hang out with my cows. You know, it's really hard to equate that. Um, but back to when I started talking about mental health, that was a giant tangent. Um, it was 2016 and I was just feeling the overall discontent of mm-hmm . <affirmative> fellow farmers . And I'm generally a person who has the words, you know, it might take me a little bit, but usually I know what to say and I know how I wanna say it. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. And for months I just felt restless about it. Hmm . Like in my mind, you know, like I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I knew something was off. And um, finally, I , I mean I've told this story before, but finally I sat in my feet alley and I made a video that I called it Dear Struggling Farmer. And I just talked about what it feels like to struggle. And I was talking to farmers and you were being honest. Typically I was, and I was typically was talking to consumers, but I was talking right to farmers and I was like, look, I know how you're feeling cuz I'm feeling it too. I can't fix it cuz I can't fix how I'm feeling. But just knowing that you're not alone in those feelings. And it was a really vulnerable video and I sent it to hordes and I was like, look, I know this isn't what I do, but this needs to be seen, I think. And I sent it immediately cause I knew I'd completely lose my nerve. And ultimately they published it and posted it and I got oh , so many messages from people just saying, holy crap, I feel the same thing. Like, but I, you know, you don't know you're feeling it until you hear someone else say it out loud. And you certainly would not have admitted it until someone else was brave enough to say it first.
Speaker 1:Sure. So a lot of people really connected with the honesty that
Speaker 2:You so many people and Yeah . Not , it started out as just farmers mostly messaging and being like, oh my God, I just, this is exactly how I feel. And then it became like, partners of farmers . Uh , one very specific one I remember is this girl messaged me and she goes, my boyfriend is a beef farmer. And , um, we've been, you know, our relationship has been really strained lately. And I didn't understand it until I watched her video and realized this is how he feels, you know, and I got a lot of those from people who didn't grow up in agriculture and, you know, they, they don't necessarily help on the farm, but they're a adjacent and they're like, I had no idea this was how my brother felt or husband felt, or wife or girlfriend, whatever felt. Um, and it , it was just , uh, like I said, I had been feeling the general overall discontent, but once I put that video out there and actually got the feedback, it wasn't just therapeutic for me. It was validating for some reason. We feel like we , our feelings need to be validated. And , uh, I think that's what it did for me and all the people who watched it. Like, you have those sad feelings or those depressing feelings and you think something's wrong with you. Like, I chose this life, I complain about it a lot. Like I just, I just milked five days in a row, every single milking, and I'm exhausted and I've been complaining about that for 24 hours, but I chose this
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:<affirmative>. So to have that feeling validated of yes, you chose this, yes, you love this life, but it's still really freaking hard. And , um, you know , you're allowed to feel bad about that sometimes. Nobody loves their life every day . And I really hate that quote that if you love what you do, you won't work a day in your life. Bull crap <laugh> , because I work, yeah . I work every single day and I love this. But let's not pretend it's easy.
Speaker 1:Right. And , and you can love what you do, but it doesn't mean you always love it while you're doing it. Is that kind of what you're saying ? Nobody
Speaker 2:Loves ev Yeah. Nobody loves anything Every single day for every single moment. My brother and sister-in-law adopted twins last year, twin boys, and they're 18 months old. And I, you know, they do love them every day , but they don't like them every single day
Speaker 1:<laugh> Sure, yeah. As parents, we can definitely , uh, understand and relate to that. Yeah. So you get that. So it sounds like, you know, you talked about you, you hit a nerve with that. Um, you sharing that there is a real isolation and a lot of people could really relate to that isolation. So let , let me ask, are there unique signs of depression or isolation on a farm that can be difficult for people to detect?
Speaker 2:That's a hard question because everybody is so different. I don't think we know ourselves as well as we think we do. Does that make sense? I I moved to New Zealand , um, twice right after college. And the second time I went, I lived by myself, spent a lot of time by myself and learned a lot about who I am, the things I like, the things. I don't like the things we, we tend to play to society and culture. And that , um, <laugh> , this is embarrassing to admit, but in high school I denied liking country music for such a long time because everyone always assumed I loved country music because I was a farm girl . And I didn't want to fall into that stereotype, which is now I realize is stupid. If I like country music, why don't I just listen to country music? People who follow me on social media know that I will belt out Disney songs anytime of the day. Mm-hmm . <affirmative> at the top of my lungs, you know? But 10 years ago I thought that was an embarrassing thing to do, so I didn't do it. So I, I think we don't know ourselves the way we think we do. And , um, one of the things I had heard to do, and I was able to do it actually eventually , um, is make a list of warning signs for yourself. So for example, my biggest warning sign is if I'm not listening to music and it doesn't bother me, I know something's wrong.
Speaker 1:And what do you mean by bother you?
Speaker 2:Um, I don't laugh . Silence <laugh> . I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing, but if I'm milking cows and the music's not on , um, something like the other day we have a , a new worker, he is been here just a couple months and he came in and I didn't have my phone connected to the Bluetooth speaker yet. And he's like, Jess, I don't hear your music, are you okay? Like, genuinely concerned <laugh> .
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Um , and it , and it turned like it was just I'd milked the night before till 1:00 AM and I was tired and my allergies were really bad, I just wasn't feeling good. Um, but if I go a few days or up to a week and I haven't missed listening to music, I personally know something's wrong with me, like I'm off.
Speaker 1:Right. So that's kind of a warning
Speaker 2:Sign to address and work on. Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Are there any others?
Speaker 2:That's the biggest one for me, to be honest. Um, I also <laugh> I've learned about myself when I start to get too stressed, I have a very short temper , um, about dumb things. Uh, but, but that the music thing is the main one for me. But that's not an , I will say that's not an easy list to make. Like I said, you really have to to know yourself,
Speaker 1:Right. Know yourself and know your triggers.
Speaker 2:Also pay attention to your warning signs. Um, and the other thing I was gonna say about detecting, whether I , I mean I could list off this , the signs everyone gives you, like if there's a giant change in mood, you know, for example, if someone constantly posts on social media and then all of a sudden they have it posted in a month, check in on them , um, isolating themselves , uh, just a general like, like sleeping a lot technically are , uh, typically kind of can lead to signs of depression. I mean, you can find those lists on the internet.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:To be honest. Right . But , um, I i it's , it's such a personal thing.
Speaker 1:Do you find that farmers kind of have a fixit yourself attitude on the farm that kind of makes them not want to , uh, reach out to get help? Or like you said people think, well, farmers all love country music, but do you think sometimes farmers are like, well all farmers are supposed to be tough and not need any help and suck it up so therefore they don't reach out and get help? Is that true?
Speaker 2:Um, oh, 100% . Rub some dirt on it. You know, you don't share your problems like you get hurt. Just rub some dirt on it and keep going. And even if your finger's dangling off, you finish planting the field, then you go to the ER after, you know, and mental health is even worse because nobody wants to admit to feeling that way. Um, you're embarrassed to be struggling mentally. And that's not just farmers. I think that's everyone. Right . Um , and one of the distinctions someone made to me that I absolutely love is mental health is not mental illness. We think if we're depressed or we're having bad thoughts, like we're crazy and people are gonna label us as crazy. And you know, that's not the same. Like if , if you go to the gym every day and work out , you're working out to keep physical illness away, working on your mental health keeps mental illnesses away. And what really drives me crazy about farming is , um, for example, last year I had a friend on social media who they decided they were in a good place with planting and they had, you know, the forecasts weather was good. So they decided to take Sundays off. And the anger and almost hate they got for doing that from other farmers was pathetic.
Speaker 1:Hmm .
Speaker 2:You know, the, the mantra in farming is you, you work until you drop.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't, I mean, you and you hear the phrase, I wanna die with my boots on and, you know, I'd like to die with my boots on, but not like that <laugh> , you know, like ,
Speaker 1:So do you think then when you combine stress with this kind of independent attitude that farmers have that you know that they can do at all and they're not allowed to complain? Is that a recipe for trouble?
Speaker 2:It's a recipe for disaster. Um, one of the things I think that sets me apart on social media when it comes to talk , I'm not, I am not the only person. And I'm not trying to imply I'm the only person, the only farmer talking about mental health on social media cause I'm not. But I think one of the things that sets me aside is I'm not just talking about mental health. I'm talking about my mental health. Um , because I , I am not an expert. I don't have any certifications or certificates or I haven't been to any classes on how to talk to people about mental health. I'm just talking about it as a person who is living with it and living with the struggles and having gone through the struggles. And um, honestly, sometimes if you watch some of the videos I've posted, you can see me working through it as I'm talking about it.
Speaker 1:<laugh> Right. You're processing it through talking about it and Yeah.
Speaker 2:With farmers and there's been a shift in the industry and I love it to talking more about mental health. A lot of conferences are having mental health specialists or professionals come talk to farmers about it. And I love that. I'm not knocking it, but I think we're missing a beat because of farmers and as traditional as we are, and as I won't lie stodgy as we are, I think there's a step between I'm a farmer who is depressed and I'm a professional who wants you to get help. And I think that step in the middle, this is gonna come out super egotistical maybe, but are people like me who are farmers talking out loud about it. I , I have gotten dozens of messages over the last couple years of people saying , um, like thanking me for talking out loud about my struggles because it made them face theirs. And I've had a few people even say like, I made an appointment with a therapist because I realize I need help and I can't get out of this place.
Speaker 1:Yeah. That's gotta make you feel good that you gave people permission to do something about the way that they're feeling.
Speaker 2:It's ridiculously humbling. Mm . And the reason I keep pushing post on my video <laugh> , it's not easy. Like people say, oh, you're so brave to talk about this. And I wish they could see the moment before I hit send on those videos cuz I'm just sitting here like, oh no, I'm sure nobody's ever felt like this. Like I'm the only person. It's terrifying. And um, the only reason I do it is because afterwards I get messages like that and it's, it's been my therapy honestly. It's like I said, it's validating. Like I want to know there are other people out there feeling the same way that I'm not completely alone
Speaker 1:Due to a farmer's unique circumstances. Is it difficult to seek out care for mental health?
Speaker 2:Right . I think yes, farmers do have an extra hurdle to jump over, but I think just in general mm-hmm . <affirmative> , we are not a society that asks for help easily.
Speaker 1:Uhhuh . And what is that extra hurdle?
Speaker 2:Um, location. Uh, there's a lot of rural places , uh, that it's just physically hard to get to. Um, time management, you know, they, they work from what, eight to four, nine to four, whatever it is. And those are the busiest times of our day. Um, cost . I think the , the healthcare cost could be a problem. Any extra cost for farmers is stressful.
Speaker 1:Is it fear of other people finding out or embarrassment? Does that play into it?
Speaker 2:I think so, but I think that's less a farming thing and more just a people thing, to be honest. And I think one gigantic hurdle between farmers seeking out help and um, I think more farmers are seeking help, but they're not sticking with it because the mental health industry does not understand farming. For example, like let's say I'm a land a truck driver and I go to a therapist and all I do is complain about my job and they're like, well find another job. You know? And that's not an easy thing for anyone to hear, but especially for a farmer. You don't just tell us to sell our farm
Speaker 1:If Right. If if , if you're not in farming, you don't know how big of a deal that is or , or what the , all the implications of that would be.
Speaker 2:And if a farmer goes to a therapist and they tell them that they're never going back
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:<affirmative> and right . When I get people who tell me like, Hey, I really wanna seek out help, what do I do? Um, I, well one, I think the online through Covid, I think Covid, I'm not, I'm not saying Covid was good, but I think Covid did some amazing things for us. The mental health help online. Um , the like therapists websites online I think could be a huge thing for farmers. Cuz you can do it from your computer or your phone. You could do it in the cabin of a tractor , you know, talk to someone. And I know some of those services provide like journaling options where you can journal any time of the day you want and you can either give your therapist access to those journals or you can keep them private. Um, I know I have to journal occasionally just to get my thoughts outta my brain. Um, uh, but also I, I advise people like therapy. Like a lot of things in life is a journey just because you go to one therapist and it doesn't work out, maybe they're not for you. You know, like you can't just assume the first person you go to is gonna be who you're most comfortable talking to, but don't give up. Like that first step is such a huge step to make, to admit that you have a problem and actually seek help for it. That's phenomenal that, that's braver than posting random videos on Instagram. Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:<affirmative>. Yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, and I, I think, I hope that the stigma around seeking out help for mental health is getting easier. Uh, because everyone, everyone struggles at some point in their life.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Now are you familiar with any assistance programs specifically for ag workers who, you know, wanna learn about more about mental health or they want to seek help? Are there, is there anything out there that you're aware of?
Speaker 2:I think they're starting, I know on a state by state basis there are a few, I think it's , um, Minnesota has a pretty good farm mental health network. Um, Pennsylvania recently got a , uh, farmer specific hotline. Um, but it's slow incoming <laugh> .
Speaker 1:Yeah. And as a farm advocate and someone who works as a farmer speaking to other farmers, what advice would you give to our listeners who may be struggling right now? If somebody's listening to this podcast and they relate to the things that you're talking about, what advice would you give to them?
Speaker 2:Say it out loud in some way, shape or form? Um, excuse me, i, i video journal, that sounds dumb, but basically all it is is I drive my four-wheeler to the middle of the woods or pasture somewhere where I'm pretty sure no one can hear me. And I talk to my phone, I video it , uh, 50% of the time. I don't even watch them back 90% of the time, no one else sees them. But just something about the act of saying it out loud and getting it out of your mind , uh, is a very freeing feeling.
Speaker 1:So there's a freedom that comes to that and it's therapeutic for you to do that.
Speaker 2:Oh, for me, 100% . Whether you write it down in the journal or you video journal it. And I think what it is is in the back of your mind there's this like hint of somebody could see this and that could help. You know, like I said, 90% of those videos I make never see the light of day. They're still on my phone somewhere. So I know someone potentially could watch that video, but, you know, I'm not necessarily gonna share it with them.
Speaker 1:<laugh>. Right. Well there's definitely a vulnerability just in doing that. Like you said, you know, because somebody could find them or see them, but you realize it , it's therapeutic enough to take that risk.
Speaker 2:Yeah. I I think if you can, I , and , and for me personally, how the whole mental health sharing about my personal journey started was me making those video journals was helping. And then one day, I don't even call it bravery, I I , to be honest , I called it stupidity. Uh, one day I said something that felt like it sounded heavy and big and I posted it, you know , um, it was probably like the 50th video I had made to myself. And that one for some reason just sounded really light to me and I decided to post it online. And what makes posting those videos for me easy is that I can pretend that no one's gonna watch them. Um, even if I , you know, I've got thousands of followers, even if I know probably at least a thousand people are gonna watch it when I first post it. I can be like, nobody one's gonna watch us . It's just me talking to a camera. Nobody's gonna see it. Um, and, and that, that's kind of what gives me that bravery I guess. But , uh, it's, it's just, and I think the more you do it for yourself, eventually you become more comfortable to share it with others. Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's good advice. So it's my understanding that you've personally taken steps to advocate for mental health with your secret of Ag project. Can you tell us a little bit about that?
Speaker 2:I have, I almost feel a little , um, guilty talking about it cuz I haven't done much with it in the last year. Um, so what basically what it is, is I call it Secrets of Ag and it's an anonymous form online where people can go and drop their secrets. You don't need to drop your name, I don't need your contact info. There's literally one question in one box and it just says, tell me your secret. You know what I , I make it clear in the writeup that if you do share your secret, you're giving me permission , um, to reshare it in some way unless you state otherwise. I've had people send me secrets and say, please don't post this. And I , I won't. Um, and I , I've also had people send their secrets and sign their name to it and I never post their name, but it's pretty humbling that they're willing to, you know, trust an idiot with an Instagram page. Yeah . With their secret. Um,
Speaker 1:And you find that people, that's therapeutic for people.
Speaker 2:Oh my god .
Speaker 1:Yeah. Oh ,
Speaker 2:It's gigantic. You know, I , um, I started it out as a way to give people an outlet cuz I knew if I made it anonymous, people would say things, they wouldn't just say to other people, you know, because there are consequences. While making it anonymous took the consequence away. And that was my goal. Like me sharing online about my mental health made me feel like , uh, feel a little lighter. And I thought I wanted to give other people the opportunity to be the same. Um, but it ended up, it was, it became so much more , um, it's changed the way I look at situations and the way I look at everything. I can't, I can't describe it. People will write, it'll be the same secret right next to each other from different people, but the way they write it, you can actually feel what they're feeling. And, you know, I mean, the secrets range from , um, silly secrets to , uh, you know, like, I don't know how I'm gonna go on.
Speaker 1:Well, where could our listeners go if they wanted to submit a , a secret or they wanted to get something off their chest? How would they do that?
Speaker 2:If you go to my , um, spruce Row Farms Facebook page or C js farm on Instagram , um, I have them linked there. I'm working on a website, but that's just, you know, another thing to add to the to-do list. Right . I haven't gotten to yet.
Speaker 1:So if somebody's listening to this podcast now and they're feeling stressed or depressed, what would your, what would your bit of advice be to them?
Speaker 2:I think I just want people to know that they're not alone. You know, this, this job is so isolating and then nobody talks about mental health and the bad feelings you feel. And I, I can promise you, there is not a feeling in the world that someone else hasn't felt the situation. And how you got to that feeling might be very vastly different. But the feelings you're feeling are not exclusive to you. You know? And I think knowing you're not alone in those feelings, they say misery loves company. And I think I understand that saying more than I ever have before. Um , I don't want other people to be miserable, but I want them to know that they're not alone in the way they're feeling.
Speaker 1:I wanna thank you so much for joining our podcast today and just sharing, w I appreciate your honesty and I appreciate you sharing things that have helped you, you know, deal with just the, the constant work and some of the, the stresses of dairy life. You know, I, I think everyone that listens to this understands the important topic of mental , uh, illness on the farm. So thank you for taking time to share with us. I appreciate it .
Speaker 2:Again, thanks for giving me a reason to talk about it.
Speaker 1:To learn more about what Jessica has been talking about and sharing and her writings, you can go to Spruce Rowe Farms Facebook page and read more about that. You can also find her writings and contributions on Hordes Dairyman website, and that's at ww.hordes.com. And she also mentioned her Instagram site, which is at C Jess Farm . And C is spelled s e e Jess Farm . And I wanna thank each of our listeners for taking the time to tune in. Topcon appreciates all of our friends in agriculture who work so tirelessly to put food on our tables. And if you enjoyed this episode today, remember to like, share, subscribe to Topcon Talks Agriculture on Spotify, apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, or wherever you get your podcasts. Please tell your friends about us. We'd love for you to follow Topcon Agriculture on social media. Thanks again for joining us today. See you next time. Go out and make it a great day.